Forward Friday

This week's forward comes from Carolyn McCulley's article for Crosswalk.com. A mother of a young adult daughter asks Carolyn's advice for her daughter who desires marriage and what she should in the meantime.


I recommend reading the article. It doesn't give concrete answers, but it does give advice about things to consider and pursue about using the gifts of time and flexibility singleness offers.

For those of you out there like me in an season of extended singleness, reading this article can elicit disheartedness. Reading her article will not hold the answer for how to be free from singleness, but she does provide encouragement from a perspective of understanding and experiencing extended singleness.

If you read her suggestions of what to do in the meantime and you find yourself saying "okay, I do that...I'm pursuing that...then what?" take heart that these things do not guarantee marriage here on earth, but it is a guarantee of being part of the marriage of Christ and his bride, the Church, in heaven. "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come" 2 Corinthians 2:22-23. As the Holy Spirit works in my life and sanctifies me, it is another evidence that I was not made for this world and I am being preparing for heaven. Don't get me wrong! I want to get married! But I know that if and when God blesses me with marriage, He will still be preparing me for heaven.

Also, we, who are experiencing extended singleness, are providing an example to the younger singles who may be stepping onto the road of singleness and unsure if this will be a short road or a long one. In our example, they will see the faithfulness and trustworthiness of God to meet all of our needs and it will give them hope that God will do the same for them.

One another thing I took away from Carolyn's perspective on a woman who's experiencing extended singleness is her humility in assessing reasons for singleness. She writes,

As an older never-married woman, I’m certainly glad I pursued an education as well as professional and personal interests. Though God has not (yet) answered my prayers for marriage and children, I have led an interesting, varied and full life serving others in the church and on the job. There are some who might say that these pursuits are the very reason for my current singleness, but this would be a hasty judgment – for these are the barest of details and certainly summarized without a knowledge of God’s completed plan for my life.

I think she is humble in assessing that she doesn't know God's complete plan for her life and that it would be hasty to judge reasons for singleness based on a limited view. I am very grateful for this response because her response stands out to me amidst the sea of those out there who have written articles and books about the reasons for the current American culture of extended singleness. I would agree with her that there are some out there that would hastily look at a single's life and quickly diagnose the reasons for singleness and prescribe marriage. While I would agree with the prescription, I know that all diagnoses of singleness are not the same. And while it is good to get at the root of the culture of extended singleness, all this attention on the reasons of extended singleness can leave many singles feeling hopeless that they don't deserve marriage or that marriage is out of their reach because of the "reasons for singleness" in their life.

I am grateful for those out who desire American culture to align with the word of God and who want the best in desiring marriage for me and others like me experiencing extended singleness. But I can't change my past or where God has placed me currently. My job and the ways I serve the church are a blessing to me in many ways and to others and who knows, God may use what I learn and experience in those contexts to bring blessing to my future husband and our marriage. I know that God works all things together for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to his purpose. And I have to believe that includes singleness and the "reasons" for it.

Toodles,