I had a sleepless night last night. I discovered ants in my basement over the weekend. Not alot of ants, but usually the sign of ants is that there's a nest nearby. I spent Sunday night pulling everything away from the walls, sweeping dead ants, looking at the live ones to make they were ants, looking for entry points and so on. My mind raced to the worst possible scenario and questioned why, no accused, God of his perfect plan with owning a home. I sank into a downward spiral of self-pity and condemnation. "I'm a failure. I've failed at this homeownership thing. What was I thinking? I don't know what I'm doing." As I trudged up the stairs to go to bed, my soul was troubled. I tried to comfort it, hoping to get some sleep, but to no avail. I couldn't even talk to God or cry out to him. I was enveloped in this worry and fear.
This morning I woke up early for an appointment for my car (no worries there) and went through the motions of getting ready. After leaving that appointment and heading into work, I popped in my Psalms CD and started to listening to it. After listening to "Glorious and Mighty," my head fell and cried out "Lord help me in my unbelief! You are the Almighty God, nothing is too hard for you. You are my Father and you would not abandon Your daughter that you adopted with your Son's death on the cross. You would also not leave your daughter without help. Help me Lord, I confess my unbelief." It was almost immediate that I felt relief and peace.
I was able to go through my day and later get some ant bait traps to set (please let them work!). I also felt confirmation what God was revealing in my heart through today's post by John Piper over at Desiring God titled "Does God Lead Us Into Temptation?" The section below clearly showed me the battle I went through and what I face every day:
Today I will stand before innumerable temptations. That's what life is: endless choices between belief and unbelief, obedience and disobedience. But, O mighty God, forbid that I would yield. Hold me back from stepping inside the temptation.
Lord, thank you for revealing this weakness in me. Lord help me to resist temptation to unbelief even in small, annoying things like ants. Help me to remember that you're my Father and nothing is too hard for you and that you will never abandon me or leave me. Help me to remember that you have good things for me and you will bring no harm to my life.