From a recent article by John Piper at Desiring God Ministries website. He is speaking directly to husbands, but I thought this is helpful for wives and want-to-be-wives as well.
We are not our wives’ savior; Christ is. We are not her sanctifier; Christ is. We are fellow heirs of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7), depending on the same sovereign life-giver.
But Paul says to husbands: Watch how Christ loves his bride. Look at the cost. And look at the goal. The cost is his life. And the goal is her splendor—the splendor of holiness.
If you aim at her splendor from the top down—say, from Mount Sinai—you will harden her. If you aim at her splendor from the bottom up—from Golgotha—you will open her to sweet tastes of sovereign glory.
Husbands and those husbands-to-be-out-there have a large calling in the marriage relationship. The wives and wives-to be can help them as well. Husbands are not our saviors, Christ is. They don't change us, Christ does. Ladies, let us continue to look to Christ who is our Savior and the one who is at the right hand of the Father petitioning for us.