Pursued

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 23:6, "Surely goodness and mercy (steadfast love) shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."  It has been a verse that has been on my mind and heart lately as I think of friends in trials and physical suffering. 

Today, the verse was on my mind for myself as I went through my morning routines before work today.  It encourages me and reminds me that today is one of the days of my life where goodness and steadfast love will follow me.  I pondered those last two words, "follow me."  Growing up, I recall the times my dog who would follow one of us around.  During walks, he would get distracted by an animal or another walker and we would have to direct his attention back to us and other times, he would stay right with us, even going ahead.  I find I often think of God's goodness and steadfast love like walking my dog.  He's right there with me, but I think God gets distracted from time to time and I have to shoot a prayer or say a verse to direct his attention back to me. 

Sounds okay, right?  Now's here where I laugh.  God is not like my dog and I'm certainly not walking Him around, but what is He like and how does goodness and steadfast love follow me all the days of my life? Reading in my little devotional book at work, the verse today was Psalm 23:6 (?!) and the first line is "What a surprising way to describe God.  A God who pursues us."  (Grace for the Moment, Max Lucado)  Huh, a God who pursues us.  Instead of aimlessly following behind me like my dog, God is actively pursuing me and He's the One getting my attention with goodness and steadfast love when I get distracted by other things.    

That puts "all the days of my life" in a different perspective now.

Giving Thanks that God is Not Done With Me

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year.  I think because it's the holiday of my favorite season - Fall - as well as it's a time for family and friends to gather and to give thanks.  It's the kickoff of the holiday season and I can't think of a better holiday to start things off right. 

This year, as with others, I contemplated what to give thanks for.  As I mentally made my list, it seemed small.  Not small in quantity, but in quality.  Now, please don't think that I am referring to the latest technology gadget (I have only had a Kindle for less than a year and now the Kindle Fire comes out!).  Rather in my mind's eye, the things over the past year I'm most thankful for are not seen and not temporary. 

Over the past year,

- I've become more aware and thankful for Jesus interceding for me, my family and friends in difficult trials and suffering. 

- I'm thankful that God is an "ever present refuge" for His children.  There is no danger that God is not a refuge for. 

- I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit to speak truth and comfort to my soul in navigating the dangerous terrain of lies and bitterness.  It felt like being in the middle of a field of bombs and one wrong step would cause damage, but the Holy Spirit helped me know where to walk with the least amount of damage. 

These are only a few things and my limited writing skills does not adequately describe what I'm thankful for.  I think if I could sum up what I'm thankful for the most is that God is not done with me.  Oh, there's so much in that one statement.

God is not done with:

- Molding my rebellious heart into a heart that seeks Him
- Blessing me with every good gift He has for me
- Caring for me
- Protecting me - from myself and others
- Providing everything I will ever need
- Showering His mercy on me
- Revealing more of Himself to me
- Growing faith in Him
- Preparing me for heaven
- Working all things together for my good
- Fulfilling all the promises intended for me
- Et al.

Yes, this Thanksgiving season, I am thankful that God is not done with me yet. 

Lord of Life and Death

For the past 2 months, death has been around me from a coworker unexpectedly passing in July, and a coworker's spouse also unexpectedly passing this week. Expectations of death are near too as a father of a family was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer with a little over a year to live and my neighbor's wife also recently went into hospice.

Each of these unique situations have spoken to me in different ways, but two things are common to every one of them. The first is that death comes to all eventually. This sounds obvious, but with unexpected deaths, this truth can be more shocking and disconnected than it is. And yes, unexpected deaths are sad and shocking, but death comes to all. The second is evaluating where your trust is for your life and ultimately your death. Are you trusting in yourself and your works during your life as a down payment into the afterlife? Or are you trusting in God's solution for death? "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16.

I hope all that read this post will consider where your trust is for your life and your death and I hope that it is in Jesus Christ who has conquered death with his death on the cross and resurrection and sitting at the right hand of the Father. He is Lord over all - including life and death.

30 Birthday Party Reflections

I just wanted to write down some reflections after a fun and wonderful party held by dear friends for my 30th birthday party. But for those readers who would need the back story...keep reading...

Julie G. offered to plan a party to celebrate my 30th birthday on May 16th. I would not know any details of the party, but I ended up knowing some details accidentally but there were a few surprises waiting for me. On May 16th, I was told I would be picked up at 5 pm by a friend but I wouldn't know who or what was going to happen. So, 5 pm came and it turned out Lisa was my date for dinner before the party. Surprise #1. I did not know where she was taking me and after going around the block between Marietta Pike and Columbia Ave via President Ave and Good Drive, she hurried up and drove into the exit drive of El Serrano's!!! Surprise #2. After a wonderful meal and wonderful time with my dear Lisa, our valet got the car and we were on our way to the party, fashionably late of course. I knew where the party would be after an accidental slip of someone (no names) spilling the beans. (I swear I did not bribe or break anything to get any information) So we pulled up to the Haugherys - one of my favorite places on Earth. Period. And I was welcomed to my party and exchanged greetings and hugs with dear friends. I was then ushered into another part of the house where I was told there were more guests and to my great surprise (Surprise #3) my WV friends had made the 5 hour trip to my party! I was SO SURPRISED by that. Then after some more mingling and eating, everyone gathered in the living room and Keith B. led us in a time of worship. Julie had emailed me before and asked me to pick 5 or 6 of my favorite worship songs. But before we spent time in worship, I was feted with a birthday poem by Richard S (Surprise #4). After worship, there was a time of encouragement and some people prayed. Then there was the cards and the gifts. Jill W. gave a sweet gift of kitchen wash cloths and towels with my name and initials on them. There were lots of cards and lots of sweet cards from some kids. Then there was a group card and gift. The group gift turned out to be a cash gift for replacing my furnace. (Surprise #5). I was shocked and speechless. All I remember was someone asking, "What is it?" and I blurted out "Cash?!" I was shocked and overwhelmed by the gift. I had mentioned to my caregroup that I would have to replace my furnace and the quote for it was pretty high. This gift is a huge blessing and is a great reminder to me that God provides. So there's my party. Such a great party.

So, my reflections.

All I can say was I was hugely encouraged by everyone being there and days after, more people came up to me and wished they could have made the party. I was encouraged because the people there are people I love and people who have cared for me, served me, sacrificed for me and spoken into my life. These people have affected my life.

I was also encouraged by the time of encouragement and the words spoken. (Julie-do you have that list ready?) I was encouraged by the evidences of God's grace that people pointed out in my life. I felt and do still feel my heart was strenghtened by the words spoken. Thank you everyone who shared.

There are specific reflections of the party that sharing here would take more time and space to write.

Before I close, I do want to thank everyone who made my 30th birthday special. Thank you Lisa for your friendship and for being my cheerleader during specific times of my life and for being my dinner date. Thank you Garners, specifically Julie for using your skills to make this party possible. Thanks Dan for leading the night and for directing people to "drop-in and drop-out" (had to be there). Thanks to the Haugherys for opening up their home. Thank you Bill and Cynthia for welcoming me into your lives and your home. And lastly, as fitting, thank you Jesus for rescuing me from my sin, from this world, from an eternity separated from God. Thank you God for these 30 years. You have been faithful and true. You always cared for me even when I was your enemy. Now that I am your child, I know that you have very great and very precious promises for me. Thank you Lord. My words are few and feeble, but my heart desires to know you more.

I know, I know

I've been silent, but alot has been happening. Let's see...

1. UNC won! Called it.

could there be anything else worth noting?

No, but seriously. Life outside the web has been busy which is good, but thank you to everyone who's been asking me in person where I've been.

God as Father

I had a sleepless night last night. I discovered ants in my basement over the weekend. Not alot of ants, but usually the sign of ants is that there's a nest nearby. I spent Sunday night pulling everything away from the walls, sweeping dead ants, looking at the live ones to make they were ants, looking for entry points and so on. My mind raced to the worst possible scenario and questioned why, no accused, God of his perfect plan with owning a home. I sank into a downward spiral of self-pity and condemnation. "I'm a failure. I've failed at this homeownership thing. What was I thinking? I don't know what I'm doing." As I trudged up the stairs to go to bed, my soul was troubled. I tried to comfort it, hoping to get some sleep, but to no avail. I couldn't even talk to God or cry out to him. I was enveloped in this worry and fear.

This morning I woke up early for an appointment for my car (no worries there) and went through the motions of getting ready. After leaving that appointment and heading into work, I popped in my Psalms CD and started to listening to it. After listening to "Glorious and Mighty," my head fell and cried out "Lord help me in my unbelief! You are the Almighty God, nothing is too hard for you. You are my Father and you would not abandon Your daughter that you adopted with your Son's death on the cross. You would also not leave your daughter without help. Help me Lord, I confess my unbelief." It was almost immediate that I felt relief and peace.

I was able to go through my day and later get some ant bait traps to set (please let them work!). I also felt confirmation what God was revealing in my heart through today's post by John Piper over at Desiring God titled "Does God Lead Us Into Temptation?" The section below clearly showed me the battle I went through and what I face every day:

Today I will stand before innumerable temptations. That's what life is: endless choices between belief and unbelief, obedience and disobedience. But, O mighty God, forbid that I would yield. Hold me back from stepping inside the temptation.

Lord, thank you for revealing this weakness in me. Lord help me to resist temptation to unbelief even in small, annoying things like ants. Help me to remember that you're my Father and nothing is too hard for you and that you will never abandon me or leave me. Help me to remember that you have good things for me and you will bring no harm to my life.

Because of Jesus

Before it is pushed out by what lays before me today:

Loneliness can be a feeling, can be a state, can be a season. BUT, even though these feelings can be strong, my face can be evident and the season can be long, I will NEVER experience true loneliness.

Only Jesus experienced true, real, strong loneliness. He went from the most perfect relationship with His heavenly Father to the worst imperfect relationship when he took my sin and therefore suffered the wrath and separation from God I so richly deserved for my sins.

I will never have that kind of loneliness because of Jesus.

When all God does is speak...

I nervously stepped into the judge's chambers. I had been requested by name. For what, I was not entirely sure. "Sara, I just wanted to thank you...I knew I could count on you..." I was dumbfounded although I hope I didn't look it. Here was a powerful busy man taking time to acknowledge my small efforts on a project I found out later that was very important. He didn't have to do it, but he did. Am I grateful he did? Yes.

Within the current state of the economy, there is an air of discouragement and possibly even mistrust in the workplace. "Will I get layed off or fired? My bosses are having a meeting...am I on the chopping block? So and so was let go, I'm sure to be next." Thoughts like these can overwhelm us, de-mobilize and de-motivate us, in the course of the day, weeks or months even. I'm not immune to these thoughts as I'm sure others reading this are not either.

Yes, I am grateful for that encounter that occurred. I know that it is doesn't ensure job security, but I am grateful that the lines of communication and feedback remain open that in turn fosters trust amidst these difficult times.

Reflecting on this encounter, it made me think of God. In times when it seems like nothing is happening or the way we want things to happen is not happening and all God is doing is speaking. Just speaking. But all we want is action. But all God is doing is speaking. (Trust me I know what I speak of.)

In God's kindness, I have come to see, appreciate and desire more that God is speaking than doing. In speaking to me, He is building my faith and trust in Him so that when the changes come and come they will, I know they come from the hand of a loving Father and not just a powerful being.

So is God speaking to you and not acting yet? Take heart. You're in a good place.

Underneath the Mask

I came across this article and I think it can speak to everyone reading.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001899.cfm

I could certainly speak to the masks I wear and I know I wear them. But I wanted to speak about what's underneath the mask.

In the Phantom of the Opera, the Phantom wears a mask to disguise his scars and protect himself from the world that's been cruel to him. The climax of the musical is when Christine takes off the mask, is not afraid of what she sees and kisses the Phantom. No matter if someone is scarred in whatever way, I think everyone watching that scene yearns for that in their life - someone who won't be afraid of what's underneath the mask.

As much as someone should be working on taking on their masks, I think we should also be preparing ourselves when someone takes off their masks and shows us what's underneath. I've found these things to be helpful to keep in mind. Granted, I found these things the hard way, meaning I hurt people and made alot of assumptions and expectations I shouldn't have. So if you're reading this and thinking that this will be easy, it's not. It's messy, but hold on, there's more...

1. It takes alot of courage for someone to take off a mask. And if someone decides to shed the mask, take it as a privilege that they sense you are trustworthy and are taking a step to being known.

2. What you see underneath the mask is not the ugliest thing you've seen - what's underneath your mask is the ugliest thing you've seen.

3. When you do see what's underneath the mask, be ready to encourage and to encourage with the gospel.

I mentioned before that it can be messy so be prepared for the messiness. But the messiness I've found is not what I'm seeing underneath the other person's mask, but my reaction and response. My pride and arrogance get in the way and often cause the other person to put their mask back on even more tightly. My pride and arrogance work against the desire to know the other person mostly because pride and arrogance are the masks I wear to protect myself. When seeing someone else underneath their mask, I am reminded of my own masks and what I am protecting as well.

Sounds messy right? But then, by God's grace, I remember the gospel and remind myself that God saved a sinner like me and that through the gospel's power I am shedding the masks I wear. With this great work that God did for me in mind, I can be prepared for what's underneath other's masks and share with them the same great power that is working in me.

God's full and faithful provision

Needed to share..this week I received an unexpected gift card to Target which worked out perfectly because I needed some things. When all my things were totaled up, it was $39.75 and my gift card was for $40.

One thing that I didn't "need" but how could I pass up this deal - the movie "The Princess Bride" for $9! And...it's the 20th anniversary version - so there's some added features.

Thank you God for providing fully and faithfully for me. Help me to remember this moment in the future when again you will provide fully and faithfully for me.

The gospel's effect on me

Maybe one day I will flesh this out more, but for now I want to get some thoughts down before they go away.

I've been struck lately about all the things purchased for me through the gospel. And I'm not just talking about forgiven sins, freedom from sin, grace, a future hope and calling. I've been struck that all the things in my life have been made through Christ, for Christ and in Christ. That the trials were purchased by Christ's blood and that they are meant to serve the gospel in my life. This makes them precious to me in a way since Christ purchased them and he knew that the trials in my life would serve the gospel and work at perfecting me to be more like Him.

That's all...for now...

No fun with fear around

Not a good title to read I suppose, but it kind of succinctly puts into perspective these past couple of months for me. I can't go into a lot of details, some of you already know them, but I feel a lot of fears have been revealed to me lately and I've been mixed on responding to them. It's no fun to have your fears revealed, much less realized, which has thankfully not happened. But still, it's no fun having fear around. But in the times my fears have been revealed, I sense God is revealing them to free me from them. I realize that's His plan - His good plan - for me, in revealing these fears.

So that's what I'm currently going through in my times with God, when I journal and I am also reading the book Running Scared by Ed Welch. This is a good book. I am already getting much from it, and I only just started it. I also think it's the grace of God that He has also passed along other things to encourage me along the way. One of those things was an acronym of the word 'FEAR.'

F - False
E - Evidence
A - Appearing
R - Real

Simple I know, but it has helped me when I've felt fear creep alongside me. When I remind myself of this acronym, then I remember God's promises - "NEVER will I leave you, NEVER will I forsake you." God's promises are REAL and they are more REAL than fear - although I know fear feels real. And there are good kinds of fear - but God is bigger than our fears and He is true and trustworthy.

So, just to warn you, I may post some quotes or something I'm reading in Welch's book and I hope they are an encouragement to you.

Waiting...

It seems that almost everyone has a blog out there! Case in point: Paul Tripp Ministries. I am grateful for Paul Tripp and his giftings in clear writing and excellent counsel. I have some of his books and they have been excellent resources.

After I came across this blog, I read the last couple of posts and two immediately jumped out at me because I think they clearly describe an area where I struggle with frequently, waiting. It could be waiting in line at Walmart, waiting for the dryer to be done, waiting for email responses, waiting for marriage, waiting, waiting, waiting. I think I spend all my time waiting on things! :) And I know, that my sinful heart views any waiting with all disdain. Why? Because I am a prideful, sinful creature. I want to be self-sovereign. I want to be in control. And this is idolatrous. God is sovereign, I am his subject, his child. Such a clear cut truth, but oh, does my heart rebel.

Yet even with my rebellious heart, God the Father draws me with tender compassion and with truth. He knows that the clear cut truth of his sovereignty is bedrock, yet he graciously shows the footholds in the bedrock that help steady our stance. Read what Paul Tripp says about God's purposes in waiting:

Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what he's promised. Through the wait he's changing me. By means of the wait he's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait he's causing me to see and experience new things about him and his kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in his redemptive hands.

"Wait for Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:14

[Psalm 27 - Caught in the Middle]
[Psalm 27 - Productive Delay]

Faith vs. Burning Bushes

Okay, so I'm here blogging even though the midst of a busy week getting ready for 1 single day this Saturday! But this article from Boundless came into my inbox and after casually glancing it, one article did catch my eye and now I'm writing about it because I think it touches on some excellent points that I want to share.

One of the first paragraphs that made me sit up and take notice was this:

We as Christians and we as a broader culture are having trouble making choices....People confronted with too many choices. Let me go back to something I said before. There's lots of ways you can distill what commitment is down in one sentence, and of course it's a very complex topic that I think and write a lot about. One of the best ways I think of what commitment always means is making a choice to give up other choices. It always means that. Whatever else it may mean in a particular context, it always means that. And if being committed in life means making a choice to give up other choices, having lots of choices and knowing that makes it difficult for people to actually sit down and make a choice is an increasing huge dilemma in our culture. It's a problem for Christians because we're affected by our culture of choice and the idea that we should keep hanging on to all of our options in life. (emphasis mine)

That last sentence got to me because I see it in my life and how it has seeped into American culture in the last 20 years. There is this lie that tells me that I need to have options. Don't get me wrong. I like having options in some cases, like with food. But many times, I think my life would be so much more uncomplicated if I didn't have as many options. And in many cases, I wish for a burning bush to solve the dilemma of options, which the author so conveniently writes about next.

We are lots of times waiting for the burning bush, but if one is waiting for the burning bush it's not real consistent with something else Paul said that was pretty important. He said "we walk by faith and not by sight." So if we're supposed to be walking by faith and not by sight and that's what it means to really be a deeply committed Christian, that means He's usually not giving us a burning bush. If He is, there's no faith in that. Faith comes from having a pretty good sense of what God cares about and doing our best with the choices and then struggling with what that means. (emphasis mine)

So yes, I want to see a burning bush with many things, including marriage. Why? Because faith is hard and long and I want a shortcut to the finish line. But as noted above, "we walk by faith, not by sight." Faith is important to God. It is "more precious that gold" (1 Peter 1:7). Without faith, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Faith is very important to God and if it's important to Him, then I need to make it important in my life. And there is reward for those with faith in God (Hebrews 11:6).

In closing, when I think about faith and burning bushes, I think God is changing my heart to desire faith more, which is the kindness and grace of God to me. Yes, the road of faith is narrow and hard, but the riches of faith are far better. How generous and loving of God to do all this work of faith in my heart and I receive the blessings! I am humbled..because it is far more than I deserve.

I do not trust in my bow, but I have not thrown it away

Disclaimer: this post is not about bow hunting (although girls like guys with bowhunting skills - hehehe) but rather about trusting in God and using the means he has given us. The bow analogy will come later...

Two Sundays ago I planned to go to church but a nasty and, thankfully quick, stomach bug kept me at home. While I was sick, I was also going through some major discouragement. I had wanted to go to church because the corporate times of worship and preaching of the word became a means of strength and encouragement and something to look forward to in my week. Because I ended up not going to church, I was discouraged and falling into anxiety for the week ahead. As I was feeling better, I thought, I need to read, I need to fill my mind with truth. So as I went over to my bookcase, the orange and yellow cover of Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges caught my eye. I grabbed it, remembering from a long time ago when I read it that it was a good book. Let's just say I am thankful to the Holy Spirit that He led me to the book.

Before I continue, if you have not read this book, I encourage you to get it. I think everyone should read this book.

Now back to the story. So for the time that I would have spent in church listening to the pastor preach, I sat and read from the gifted teachings of Jerry Bridges. And it was like balm to my wounded soul. Throughout the pages, I was reminded of God's sovereignty, his wisdom and his love for me. I was freshly reminded of his sovereignty over others and their impact on my life. I was taken back to precious Scripture of God's characteristics of his sovereignty, his wisdom and love. During the couple hours of reading this book, I re-starred, re-underlined and re-read many of the paragraphs in the book. I also cried out to God for mercy and repented of unbelief again of his goodness and love towards me. I also copied down Scripture mentioned in the book on note cards that served as weapons of faith for the week ahead.

At the end of reading 3/4 of the book, I was refreshed and very thankful to God for the time of reading the book and delving into Scripture. I was reminded of one of the reasons I love the book as large amounts of Scripture are quoted in the book. I love books that point you to Scripture.

So now to the bow analogy. One of the last chapters I read was titled "Choosing to Trust in God" and in it Bridges discusses pitfalls to trusting. Bridges discusses that many times we trust in the means God has provided rather than in Himself. We trust in money, spouse, education, moral uprightness, wisdom, friends and the list could go on and on. Bridges quotes Proverbs 18:10-11 as an example of trusting in God and trusting in means. It says,

The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe.
The wealth of the rich is their fortified city;
they imagine it an unscalable wall. (emphasis mine)

Bridges comments on this passage, "Those who trust in God are safe; while those who trust in their wealth, only imagine they are safe." (page 202)

I was intrigued by Bridges thoughts and very surprised at the how it clearly says this in Scripture. So I kept reading to see what else Bridges said and I'm glad I did.

"All of us tend to have our fortified cities. . . Anything other than God Himself that we tend to trust in becomes our 'fortified city' with its imagined unscalable walls. This does not mean we are to disregard the usual means of supply God has provided. It means we must not trust in them. Earlier we saw that the psalmist said, 'I do not trust in my bow' (Psalm 44:6) but he did not say, 'I have thrown it away.' To put the use of ordinary means and a trust in God into proper perspective is to look in trust to God to use the means He has provided." (emphasis mine)

I've been thinking alot about that last sentence. Sometimes I don't think God has provided enough means (money, skills, time, strength, etc) for the things He's asked me to do or the situations He has lovingly placed me in. Plus, I also look at some of the "means" around me and think, how is God going to provide and fulfill his promises through this? But as it says in His Word, 2 Peter1:3, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness." (emphasis mine) And I'm reminded in God's word when he says "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Thank you Lord for meeting me and reminding me of your precious truths. Thank you for your mercy to remind me of your truths even when I am very forgetful of them. Thank you Lord for clarifying truths to me. Help me to trust in you Lord and trust that you are using the means and the right means in my life for my good and your glory. How precious to me are your thoughts O Lord! Your precepts Lord, are right, and my heart rejoices in them (Psalm 19:8). Amen.

My Weak Faith

So the house inspection was this past Monday and while there were not alot of surprises, the reality of being a homeowner became more real to me afterwards. Not surprising, my faith for new things began to waver. Could I really do this as a single woman with no experience in owning a home before? Thoughts like this filled my head and thankfully God quickly showed me how my focus turned from Him to me. Of course I as a single woman with no experience in owning a home before could not do this, but God can. God is infinite, omnipotent, faithful, true, and all-wise. I am not. He parted the Red Sea so the Israelites could flee from Pharoah's army to the promised land, surely he can keep me safe from all troubles until he calls me home. God's been faithful to single women before me...I am not an exception in this case.

Lord, forgive me for wavering faith, for lack of faith in You with this house...Lord help my faith by showing yourself strong and true once again...Even though you've have proven yourself strong and true thousands of times before and I should know better by now, that is only my arrogance speaking lies...I am a weak and feeble creature that needs you daily, moment by moment to remind me of your grace and mercy...Lord help me to keep my eyes on you...

Rest Stop

I'm taking a quick rest stop and sharing something from this past week. I wrote this in an email to a friend who shared about the struggle with feelings and giving into them.

They were several times this week looking back, feelings took over and I did not put up a fight with them because I felt my feelings of anger, justice and "this is so unfair - why does it have to be like this?" were justified because of the situation. But thankfully, on Friday night, God reviewed the week with me and showed me my sins and took me to the cross. I was reminded of God's love, but not in an unconditional way. I was reminded of his love that sent His son to die on the cross to make atonement for my sins. I was reminded of his love that he would discipline me because of his love towards me. I was reminded that Christ did something for me that I could not do for myself. He took the wrath and punishment I deserved and he imparted his righteousness to me. I was reminded that I was bought, ransomed, set free from the power of sin and death. I was reminded that I am now a slave to righteousness not sinfulness. I was reminded that I cannot do this alone. I was reminded that God alone can help me not because of who I am but because of he who is, rich in mercy. I was reminded that I am not alone.

So I wanted to email you to remind you as well. Christ has paid for your sins completely. His death on the cross is the greatest example of God's love towards you. As CJ says in the Cross Centered Life, what more could God do to persuade you that he loves you? Reading that again just now makes me think of all the things I think God should do to show me he loves me...the gift of marriage, parents that understand me, friends that know me, easy days at work, bosses who don't wait until the last minute to ask me to do something, friendlier neighbors, gas prices lowered, income increased, lower rent, the list could go on and on...but God does love me and you because he freed us from the death and destruction of sin we were headed for and he has given us the gift of eternal life with Him. I wish I would see this act of love as the greatest more often than what the world and sin would say.

So that's my encouragement to you. Run to the cross, be reminded and persuaded, as CJ says, of God's love to you there.

Toodles,

Thoughts this week...

So this week, our time of worship during last Sunday church meeting, has been resonating in my mind, primarily of the excellent word given regarding sanctification. I know some people who are going through some serious times of sanctification. It stirs my heart sometimes to think of them and pray for them. I think that if I went through what they are going through, I would absolutely fall under the weight of it all. But what these dear saints have shown me and continue to show me is that God is faithful in and mighty to provide for ALL life's bumps, turns, unexpected delays, and detours.

During worship, I thought of the verse John 6:37-40,

"All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day." (emphasis mine)

Last night as I was enjoying a grande cafe mocha at Starbucks, I was going through my journal and came across this poem. I had written it shortly after Curtis Allen spoke at CCL about the account of Jesus walking on the water and the disciples being afraid. I was also going through the book of John in my devotions at the time as well. May it encourage you today.

Meditations on John

O ye of little faith
why do you doubt me?
As you and I walk
on the untamed sea.

This sea and this wind
blow hard east to west
but I alone rule them
and use them for your best.

You're always in my sight,
no matter how far.
Be it through dark nights
or blood stained scars.

For my will is to do
what the Father's given.
I'll lose none of His own.
On the last day, I'll raise them.

O ye of little of faith,
put your hope in me!
I will lead you through safely
on the untamed sea.

Sara Rankin, 2006.

Toodles,

The Enemy Without: Acne

Weird title I know..I'll explain later...

So this post has been jostling around in my brain for a couple of days and at first I thought it was foolish to share but I think it's a good analogy to our greater enemy, the enemy within, our sin. If you are unfamiliar with this, it is based off of the excellent book "The Enemy Within: Straight Talk About the Power and Defeat of Sin" by Kris Lundegaard.

Rooming with some girls at NA last week, eventually a morning conversation surrounded girlie things like makeup, hair, eyebrows and the common enemy, acne. As I shared war stories dealing with my acne, I commented that I was battling it again that weekend. One of the girls graciously told me that she couldn't see any and that my face looked really clear. I think I gave her a weird look, like what are you talking about?, which I hope she didn't see. I thought about it later, but not in a self conscious-checking-my-face-every-15-minutes-way. What got me thinking was how I was disbelieving what she had said about my face being clear. I know she wasn't giving a fake answer like when you ask some of your girlfriends if you look bad in a pair of jeans and they say no, but you really do.

Over the past days, I thought about her comment and it made me think of when I'm battling sin, especially sin that has been present for many years. I've had acne since I was a pre-teen and now I'm in my late 20's. I don't even have to look at myself in the mirror or touch my face, I know it's there. I've had some good seasons and some bad seasons with my acne. Thankfully, now it seems my acne is under control with the system I am using and being consistent with it. Consistency is key gals and good makeup as well.

Like my acne, I know my sin is present by the grace of God showing me my sin. I don't even have to go looking for my sin and it's been there for a long time. There are seasons where my sin is spilling out everywhere and other seasons where it seems that it is finally gone. The cure is the free gift of God's son dying on the cross for my sins. Jesus Christ took the punishment that I richly deserved and transferred his righteousness to me. Sin is still present in my life, but it no longer has dominion over me and one day I will be in the presence of my Savior and God and free from the presence of sin as well.

So what does a story of battling acne have to do with battling sin? Well, just as someone encouraged me that I was gaining ground over my acne, we need to be encouraged, daily, with evidences of grace that God is working in our lives and gaining ground over our sinful hearts. As it says in Hebrews 3:13 "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." I was hardened by the lie that I had acne currently on my face, hardened enough that I rebuffed a sister's encouragement and felt that the lie I believed was the truth.

A brief tangent about lies, especially the lies that sin will tell us: Lies are still lies, even if they are over 15 years old. They don't become truth just because they've been around for so long. Lord, help me to be discerning between what is truth and what are lies. I need your help Lord.

I want to encourage everyone reading this to consider sharing an evidence of grace to someone in your life. It could be your parent, roommate, boss, coworker, husband, child, neighbor, check out lady, favorite blogger, etc. Your encouragement will help them be free from the deceitfulness of sin in their life which in turn will help them be free from their sin.

Toodles,